Do It For The Children

I believe in positive change over tradition.  I believe that systems should be made as simple and intuitive as possible, to free up brain-power for more important things.  I believe it is wise to pay a larger cost upfront if it will give you long term benefits.  I believe that if people are following a screwy system, just because that is the way it has always been done, it is time for a change.

America, bite the bullet and switch over to the metric system already.  Consider that the rest of the developed world may be on to something here.  Yes, it means that we're going to have to convert all of our favorite recipes, and start reading those little numbers on the inside of the speedometer.  But the children of tomorrow will have an easier time in math and science, and our society will benefit in the long run.  We're not going to maintain our superpower status if we keep handicapping ourselves like this.  The US needs to start looking further than four years into the future and start making some sound long term decisions.

Ok, I know that I lost some of you with the metric system endorsement, and what I am about to suggest is going to ruffle even more feathers.  So I'm going to ask you to suspend your prejudices for a short while and consider the effect that the change I will describe will have on the future.

The English language is an monster made by committee, both in it's grammar and it's spelling.  For any way of doing something, there are exceptions when it should be done another way, and exceptions to those exceptions.  I believe it is time to make some rules - as consistent and as simple as possible, and stick to them!  Kids should not have to spend twelve years learning the intricacies of spelling and grammar.  Simplify!  If the rules were consistent, kids would be able to spell any word by the time they were in second grade.  Grammar would take a bit longer, but with consistent rules it would be understood much faster than it is now.  And all of this opens up time for English teachers to focus more on vocabulary and effective writing skills.

The two biggest things we can do to improve the education system are to adopt the metric system and a streamlined English language.

Statistician Wannabe

I once thought of being a statistician for a while.  I've always held a special place in my heart for mathematics.  When you view the world in terms of numbers, it kind of gives you a different perspective on things.

For instance, have you ever considered the significance of the number of squares there are on a roll of toilet paper.  There's a lot of variation between brands.  I mean, you can have 176, 242, 250, 130, 165.... It goes on and on.  There are no standards, and literally no common denominators here.

Now, you combine this information with the number of squares used per.. application, and the number of applications used per sitting, and you come up with some interesting statistics.  Personally, I typically use four sheets at a time and have to wipe anywhere from six to nine times, but I'm pretty sure that my pooh is a little stickier than most peoples', and the average is probably more like 3-5 wipes.

Additionally, guys, if you have a woman in the household, you've got problems... as I'm sure you were already aware.  But you may not have considered the impact they have on your toilet paper consumption equations.  They're just plumbed different, and have more uses for toilet paper than you do, with each use requiring different amounts of paper.

One final factor in the TP dynamic is that occasionally, you get stuck on the toilet and have a runny nose.  Unless you're not concerned with blowing a hole through and getting snot all over your hand, you're going to have to use a bit more paper here than normal.

Some of you may be wondering - just where the heck am I going with all this?  

Allow me to explain.

Taking all of these toilet paper tid-bits into consideration, a family of four should only end up with an empty roll left on the hanger once every twelve to thirteen days.  If it's occurring any more frequently than this, one of two things is happening.

It may be that someone is saying to themselves, "There's not a whole lot of toilet paper left on the roll.  I think I want to finish up with one extra-cooshy wipe today."

On the other hand, they may be saying, "Crud.  The roll's empty.  I could waddle over to the cupboard under the sink, with my pants down around my ankles, and get another roll.  Or...  You know.... I probably got most of it off with that last wipe anyway.  I think I'll just say 'good enough', zip up, and be on my way."