The Greatest Gourmet Sweedish Chef In Buccaneer Bay

He was a famous Sweedish chef upon a ship to Brazil
He made the meanest meatballs spiced with savory and dill
He was the best chef in his field
But then some pirates came along and now he's making their meals
He's with the pirates now
He's baking swill souffle
He's the greatest gourmet Sweedish chef in Buccaneer Bay

They made him boil seaweed for the crew to eat
It really brought him down because they had no meat
The captain seemed to want a treat
For the next day captain commandeered a fishing fleet
And now the buccaneers cheer, and scarf flounder flambe
He's the greatest gourmet Sweedish chef in Buccaneer Bay

A root, a toot, a ladle in his boot
He bakes them grog-lemon beans
So have no worries
For although they make a flatulant team
They prevent scurvy
And now the buccaneers cheer, as they eat shark fillet
He's the greatest gourmet Sweedish chef in Buccaneer Bay

He was the greatest gourmet Sweedish chef in Buccaneer Bay
And when he made his greatest gourmet dishes
He was spicy as a salty spray
And when he made those meals the buccaneers ate all night and day
He's the greatest gourmet Sweedish chef in Buccaneer Bay

Lickupa lickitylipa lickitylipa lick lick
They dined all night and all day
On mackrel chowder and oyster-lime puree
They got no scurvy
And those buccaneers cheer for their swordfish souflee
He's the greatest gourmet Sweedish chef in Buccaneer Bay

He fills those bucker's bellies with goodies every night
And they gobble down some more in the early bright
They raise their grog and lick their plates
And they'll be coming back for thirds before it gets too late
Arr arr they cheer for him at the end of the day
For that greatest gourmet Sweedish chef in Buccaneer Bay

A sip, a slurp a sat-is-fying burp burp burp
Those pirates once thrived on risk
Now they dine in style on grapefruit lobster bisque
Say - so long - scurvy
And those buccaneers cheer for their pirate buffet
And the greatest gourmet Sweedish chef in Buccaneer Bay

It's Alive

First I had a head
It was mummified
Then I dipped it in some goo
And made it grow a thousand times
And when I stitched it on a body
And I chased away the flies
It blinked it's eyes
Orbs of enormous size

And then it turned
It winked at me
I jumped up into the air
And danced with scientific glee
Then I looked down and realized
There was work yet left to do
It was missing both it's legs
I needed legs
I needed glue

Go hunchback go!
Into the night!
It needs some legs now
It needs some legs to make it right
That hunchback returned
With legs muscular and big
I sewed them on
The beast got up and danced a jig

Now it's alive!
Yes it's alive!
It's a monolithic monster
With super powers
And it's mine
It needs electricity
And scientific remedies
But it's alive
Yes it's alive

Oh...
I spent my entire life
In ridicule
I was called a maniac
And an egocentric fool
I suffered jeers and fears of ignorance
I was scorned with despise
But now - I am on the rise

My theory's true
And I am free
I'm not locked up in that rubber room
Like you thought I aught to be
And now I stand vindicated
By a monster big and mean
Now look who's fooling who
And who's pants are full of pee

Go hunchback go
Into the night
It needs some turtle wax
To make it's scales so shiny bright
They'll try to bring it down
With automatic guns
Bombs and laser beams
My monster's gonna have some fun

Cause it's alive!
Yes it's alive!
It's a monolithic monster
With super powers and it's mine
It needs electricity
And some extra TLC
Cause it's alive
Yes it's alive

Go hunchback go
Into the night
It needs plutonium
To feed it's monster appetite
They'll try to bring it down
With automatic guns
Tanks and air-o-planes
My monster's gonna have some fun

Cause it's alive!
Yes it's alive!
It's a monolithic monster
With super powers and it's mine
And with electricity
It'll bring this city to it's knees
Cause it's alive
Yes it's alive

It's alive!
Bwaaa haaa haaa, haa haa ha, ooo oo

Friends in High Places

I heard mallards and coots
Ducks I thought I'd shoot
As I breathed in the fresh evening air
A star 'gan to grow
And I gazed as it's glow
Grew to kaliedescope glare
And those lights in the skies
Well they blinded my eyes
And I knew this was no normal plane
And I swear that it's true
This could happen to you
Better listen when you hear me say

'Cause I was beamed on a shiny spaceship
Where they put their probes
In your probeless places
That I won't say
But it ain't ok
They tagged my ear with a spacey stapler
Then they flipped my lid and zapped my brain
Oh I know this - it sounds insane

Then they left me there
In my underwear
Covered in alien spores
I looked such a sight
All those ducks took to flight
And I made my way back to the shore
Hey, I told police, radio, and tv
They all laughed for an hour, but then
I got a call from that ol' rag Enquirer
It's putting my story to pen

'Cause I was beamed on a shiny spaceship
Where they put their probes in your probeless places
That I won't say
They got my DNA
They tagged my ear with a spacey stapler
Then they flipped my lid and zapped my brain
Oh I know this - it sounds insane

The last stanza get's repeated a bunch of times at the end of the original song, which is great in a serious song but seems to me like a bad idea in a comedic version.  I mean, you might think it's funny the first time through, but by the sixth or seventh time it gets old.  To get around this, this is my version of the ending.

The last stanza gets repeated, but the tempo increases so that with each repeat it is spoken faster.  The volume slowly fades, so that by the time it reaches an auctioneer's pace the song fades out.  A bit before this time, there is alien chatter that starts in quietly and slowly increases in volume.  I'm thinking that there should be a bunch of alien voices, so it's like you are walking into an alien party, or space bar.  The last twist is that as the alien voices become louder, they slowly begin to transform from gibberish to quacking, to kind of tie back to the duck hunter opening.

It may be hard to envision, but it sounds really good in my mind.  I only hope that I can do it justice.