Baby Rug Glue

 I am pleased to introduce our newest product - Thompson and Thompson Baby Rug Glue!  This revolutionary new product not only has terriffic properties with both natural and synthetic fiber carpets, it also bonds quickly and strongly to babies!  Here to discuss the usefulness of this product is Nancy, a day care worker from our clinical trials group who has been using baby rug glue for the past six months.

You have no idea how wonderful baby rug glue is!  I used to pull my hair out caring for six or eight kids at a time - what with their running around and screaming and running around and crying and running around and tearing the house apart.  Now I just glue the little buggers to the floor.  Oh, they still scream and cry, but now I can go outside, have a cigarette, and I don't have to put up with it.

Sounds good.... 

Not only that, but thanks to baby rug glue I can now watch forty five kids at a time.  I've got them stuck in the living room, the bedroom, down the hall... I've even got two stuck to the welcome mat!  I used to drive an old Hyundai, but now I'm sporting around town in my new BMW.  I'm thinking of carpeting a warehouse, so I can expand operations even more.

So baby rug glue has put you on the fast track to success.

You have no idea!  And I have so much more time to myself.  Once you stick 'em to the floor, you can do anything and not have to worry about them getting into mischief.  I can go shopping, to the movies, anything!  I just have to make sure I'm home before the parents arrive.

How do the parents feel about baby rug glue?

Well, you know, there are a lot of people who don't have the vision to embrace technological progress...  And it's not always easy to tell which way they will react...  That's why I just throw blankets over the kids and tell the parents it's nap time.

Say, does anyone in the audience have a baby with them so we can have a demonstration?  Anyone at all?  You.  In the front row.  Is that a baby you are trying to hide under your jacket?

No.  It's my purse.

Riiiight.  Why don't you bring your "purse" up here so we can do a demonstration?

I'd really rather not....

Oh, come on!  We really have your best interests at hand.  Don't you ever worry that your baby will get into the Drain-O or rat poison when you're not looking?

I child protect my cupboards.

Like that really works.  Children are born safe-crackers.  They can get into anything they set their minds to.

You know, I once had a kid get his head stuck behind the toilet.  It took two jars of Vasoline and over an hour to pry him out, and he still needed to have his ear sewn back on!


It's time for a word from our sponsor - Thompson and Thompson!  See you in just a couple short minutes!