Stealing is Bad, Right?

I think most everyone would check TRUE on a multiple choice exam which offered the following statement, "Stealing is bad".  But.... Why?  And are there any extenuating circumstances where stealing might be the proper course of action?

Suppose you were being mugged at gunpoint when inexplicably a box of waffles falls from the sky, lands on the mugger's head, and knocks him out cold.  And, as he falls to the ground, his wallet flies out of his pocket and plops down by your feet.  Taking this wallet wouldn't be stealing, so much as poetic justice, right?  But suppose the mugger was wearing a ski-mask so you couldn't see his face, and this wallet actually belonged to his last victim.  Not so sure, now, are you?  Perhaps the best thing to do in this case is to take the wallet and turn it into the police.  Let them work it out.

Ok, how about this.  You are walking out of a supermarket, when a blind begger calls out to you.  He tells you that he really has to pee, but doesn't want to on the possibility of missing out on some cash, and asks you to wear his glasses while he goes to the bathroom.  You agree to do this and while he is away, someone comes out of the store and hands you a hundred dollar bill.  You could keep it, and he would never know.  It would be easy to rationalize this - I mean, technically you earned the money.  But you did promise to collect the money for him.  Maybe you could do a commission thing.  Exchange the hundred for a twenty already in the jar.  But are you really going to feel decent buying yourself dinner with the blind man's money?

Maybe you are the begger.  Starving.  And you happen upon a home with an apple tree in their front yard.  They probably wouldn't miss an apple or two.  But wouldn't it be better if you just asked for those apples.  Most people would gladly give them to you.  You could even offer to clean up the rotton apples in exchange.  "But wait" you say!  "What if I don't have any legs, and the wooden trolley that I scoot myself along on won't roll on their lawn, making it impossible to pick up rotton apples.  What then?"  Well, then you aren't going to be able to steal any apples anyway, so maybe you should just offer to sing them a song.  "But, what if I lost my tongue in an unfortunate frozen pole licking accident?  What then?  I can't sing, and I can't even ask for an apple.  If I try, the best I'd be able to do is say 'grerea ias haa alele?' What then?"

Write a freaking sign, ok?  Aarrgh!  I can't stand it when I get flippant with myself.